What I Learned During my Three Weeks in Furlough

June 1st, 2020

Three weeks of no responsibilities. No work. No bosses. No early morning alarm clocks or presentations to prepare for. No deadlines (well, okay, except this article), no performance reviews, no discussions about my client’s ongoing projects.

Oh yeah, and no paycheck.

When my company announced that all employees needed to take a mandatory three weeks of unpaid leave this quarter, to offset revenue losses due to COVID-19, I was nervous, anxious, and hopeful.

Now, as my three weeks of unpaid leave have drawn to a close, I’m feeling refreshed, anxious, and hopeful. Baby steps, right?

I found that with the increased extra time, I had more opportunities to pursue interests I had wanted to pursue for years… and more time to let my anxieties consume me. Read on to hear about how I spent my three weeks and what I’ve learned.

Free time will tell you where your interests lie

I had tons of time to fill and nowhere to go. I am a huge fan of almost every Bravo reality series there is, but there’s only so much binging I can do to fill the time.

I mentioned in my last piece that I had planned to take a python course. I had taken a number of computer science courses in college, taught Ruby to high school ladies post-grad, and was itching to find a way to get back into coding. It was one of those things I had always told myself that I would do “if only I had the time.” Well, now I had nothing but time, and I was quick to dive into the class. Turns out I was right - all I needed was a little extra free time and I would be diving right into coding.

But I had also always told myself that I would love to pick up more bartending skills... if only I had the time. I would take an online wine course... if only I could fit it into my schedule. Of course, now I had the time, and of course, now here I am three weeks later, no sommelier skills for me. No idea what a jigger is (I googled “bartending items” in order to include this line in the article). No solid margarita recipe except for the one they print on the back of pre-mixes.

And that’s okay! I learned that there are some things (re: wine courses) that are cool in theory but are not actually things I would want to dedicate my time to. There are others (re: python) that I simply haven’t prioritize during work hecticness, but should have been. Human beings can only be so productive in a day, so rather than beat myself up over some tasks left unaccomplished, I am rather just taking note of what I do want to make space for when the world begins to spin again.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for anxiety is lean into it

Let me start this section off by saying I am not and will never be an authority on managing mental health struggles. I can only tell you what I noticed about myself, let you know what worked for me, and hope that it may help you on your own journey. That said, always talk to a doc, don’t believe everything you read on the internet, etc.

It goes without saying that these are anxious times but in the extra free time, I found myself spiraling. I watched the stock market plummet, knowing that I wouldn’t be getting my biweekly pay stub. I worried about the local restaurants in my neighborhood and when I would be able to support them again. I grieved for my favorite charitable causes, because their efforts on important topics had been pushed to the wayside as COVID was deemed more pressing.

All of these things I probably would not have had much time to worry about (or at least, I would have worried about them a lot less) had I not had the time to let my anxiety spiral. But instead I was here, so what could I do?

I wrote out the worst-case scenarios. It sounds counter-intuitive, but hear me out. I put to paper the worst things that could happen. I lose my job. Awful? Of course. But, okay, what could I do to prepare? Continue to rely on my emergency savings, look into unemployment options, budget a little bit more diligently. Is there anything else I can do at the moment? No. So I had to let it go. With the extra time, I could have let my anxiety consume me. Instead, I let it lead me to risk mitigation. Then I told myself that I had to move on.

So three weeks at home and this is what I have to show for it: a few fun new coding tools in my back pocket and an interesting exercise in managing my anxiety. My three-week furlough wasn’t all rainbows and productivity butterflies but it also wasn’t all quarantine-induced spiraling. It was a lot like “normal” life. I had to take the good with the bad, and work for tomorrow to be a better day.