By Her - February Discussion Recap

By: Katie Upton / March 23, 2020

We are so excited to share that the second By Her meeting was a huge success! We appreciate all the amazingly smart women who joined to discuss Brave, Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani, Founder and CEO of Girls Who Code.

All who joined shared such interesting points and conclusions they drew from the book! Here are some key takeaways of mine:

Expectation Setting

When we set an expectation for ourselves and others that we are perfect, we struggle much more when we have imperfections. A great step towards accepting ourselves is changing that expectation for the future; set the expectation that you’ll do your best instead!

Perfection vs. Excellence

You can learn from mistakes to make yourself better in the future, but don’t ruminate on your past imperfections because you can’t change the past

Second-Guessing

Women second-guess and worry they will fail before they even get the chance to try; men don’t second-guess themselves until after failure (ex. Not applying for the job for fear of not getting it vs. evaluating after not getting a position). Just try!

Sorry Not Sorry

Don’t say sorry when you’re not sorry! One attendee is a middle school teacher and shared the reality in her classroom: her female students often start their questions with, “Sorry, but…” even though it’s her job to answer their questions! Aim to not apologize when it’s not necessary

Convenience

Many times, women make decisions / don’t share parts of themselves to not inconvenience others. One attendee shared that she didn’t become a vegetarian for years because she didn’t want to tell others or make them accommodate her dietary needs

Mom Shaming

Moms get shamed for any way that they parent, but there’s no perfect way to parent! Everyone is just trying their best, and we can extrapolate this lesson to life in general. Everyone is making the best decisions for themselves!

Sex and the City

Just because you are a boss in your career like Miranda doesn’t mean you can’t be a Charlotte, Carrie or Samantha; don’t put yourself in a box!

Femininity Isn’t Bad!

Femininity does not equal weakness or make you less than. Femininity also encompasses excellent qualities, and you can totally blend femininity and masculinity to stay true to yourself

3 Steps to Self Compassion

Show yourself the same compassion you would show a friend, and ask yourself what you would say to her. Here are the steps:

1) Mindfulness: State what you’re going through and what you’re feeling (ex. that meeting wasn’t as effective as I wanted, and I’m feeling embarrassed and defeated)

2) Self Kindness: Show yourself some love and understanding (ex. it’s been a very busy week, and this meeting wasn’t all that I have on my plate. Sometimes meetings don’t go as planned and as well as you wanted, and that’s okay)

3) Common humanity: Globalize your situation (ex. no one performs perfectly in every meeting, and everyone has difficult days in their careers)

If you liked reading about these learnings, we hope you’ll join us for our next gathering on Sunday, March 29th at 12:30PM on IG Live to discuss our podcast curation on Feminine Product Founders.